Feb
01
Mike Pence Meets Pope Francis, China’s Coronavirus Crisis & License Plate Emojis | The Daily Show


Some international news out of the Vatican where Pope
Francis had a special visitor. Vice President Mike Pence making a special stop
during his overseas trip, getting a chance to meet
Pope Francis in Vatican City. MAN 2:
The meeting was twice as long as President Trump’s visit
in 2017. As he was leaving, Pence said,
“Thank you, Your Holiness. “You have made me a hero. God bless you.” Yes, that’s right. The most religious man
in the world met the pope. (laughter) And I-I bet…
I bet after meeting Mike Pence, the pope walked away like,
“Yo, that guy’s a Jesus freak. That guy really likes Jesus.” Also, I-I don’t really get
what did Mike Pence mean when he told the pope,
“You have made me a hero”? How does meeting the pope
make you a hero? Unless he meant the pope
literally made him a hero. -Then…
-(laughter) Then it makes sense. Here’s a question. Here’s a question
I have, though. Do you think the pope took
Pence’s confession? Because if he did,
that would have to be the most boring confession
the pope has ever heard. The pope would be like, “You walked in on your wife
taking off her shoes? “I don’t care. What? “No, eating salty food
is not a sin! What the hell, man?!” All right, moving on
to more international news. The coronavirus is spreading
faster and faster every day, and now the Chinese government
is working overtime to stop it. Breaking news
about the deadly coronavirus. Just today, more cases
were confirmed here in the U.S., bringing the total number
to at least five. MAN: The virus is
now spreading faster. So far, it’s killed
at least 81 people in China. More than 2,700 others
have been infected across 13 countries. MAN 2: Wuhan, the epicenter
of the outbreak, and 14 other cities
now in lockdown. That’s a total
of 50 million people ordered to stay in place. MAN 3: Workers in Wuhan
with heavy machinery, racing against time to build a brand-new 1,000-bed hospital
in just ten days. Yes, China has announced that they’re building
a thousand-bed hospital in just ten days. Ten days… to build a hospital. There is no other country
that can do anything that fast. Like, in America,
it takes longer than that -to get cable installed.
-(laughter) I’ve learned, when you order
cable in this country, you aren’t ordering it for you. You’re ordering it
for your grandkids. That’s what you’re doing. It’s just like,
“I just want Little Billy “to have Comcast one day. Yes, yes, I’ll be ready.” But I guess this-this is
the double-edged sword of China’s
cultural efficiency. Like, the people in the country
are extremely efficient, but so are their diseases,
right? ‘Cause think about it. This disease is going all over
the world at an insane rate. Like, you… There’s no… There’s no Jamaican diseases
that have threatened the world. Yeah, because,
like the people, Jamaican diseases
are chilled out, you know? It’s just like, “Yeah, man,
we infected this one person. Should we go on and infect
the entire population?” It’s like, “No, so much work. “We’re just gonna enjoy
this man’s mouth. “We’re not gonna
infect anybody else. We just relax. We irie.” (laughter) Also… okay, also,
am I the only one who’s noticed that the virus has gone
everywhere except Africa, huh? (laughter) -I mean, look,
don’t get me wrong. -(clapping) Don’t get me wrong. -I don’t want the virus, but
I’m kind of hurt. -(laughter) Why is Africa
always left out, huh? I mean, maybe the coronavirus
is just scared because it knows
if it shows up in Africa, Ebola will be waiting
at the airport like, “Oh, Corona. Look at me, Corona.
I’m the virus now, huh?” (laughter) All right, and finally,
in some transportation news, this could make driving
a little bit more fun. If you ever make it
up to Vermont, you may see something different
on the road. License plates with emojis. Vermont is the first state
in the country considering adding one of six emojis
to their license plates. The symbols would not replace
any letters or numbers, and some drivers
on the road are on board. MAN 2: If you were to have
the option to do an emoji on your license plate,
what would that emoji be? Um, probably a heart
and a rainbow. It would probably be
an angry face and a kissy smile. -(laughter)
-Yeah. I love this.
Angry face and a kissy smile. I like that. Emojis on license plates.
This is a great idea. Like, if everyone has emojis
on their license plates, it would be so much easier
to remember the license plate if there was a hit-and-run,
right? ‘Cause every time, people are
like, “Did you get the plate?” You’re like, “No,
it was a number and letter.” Now, it’d be like, “Yeah,
I remember it. I got it. It was three women cha-chaing!
I remember that!” (laughter) “They… they cha-cha’d
all over my grandpa, man!” (laughter, groaning) At the same time, I do think emojis could also make life tougher for cops,
all right? ‘Cause they’re gonna be out
out on the highway like, “Suspect’s on the run,
eight dead, four wounded. “He’s in a late model Chevy, “license plate eggplant,
water squirt, water squirt, 69. “Repeat: eggplant, water squirt,
water squirt, 69. God help us all.”