Feb
15
TON MOBILE A PLEIN D’VIRUS – Jetons-leur des Tomates Pourries !


There are several spam levels, classed by their level of shitting. And there is a good one on smarthopnes. You’re installed in your bed, quiet, on the evening, calmly watching streaming movies – which is totally legal (ironic) You even have earphones to not disturb others and to be in the total silence ! And then. Ahh, psshh, ahh, shut up, go away, go away! “Let’s throw them rotten tomatoes!
My phone is full of viruses!!!” This scam’s principle is to press the user and to totally scare them so that they will feel obliged to download the application as quick as possible without thinking about it. We would learn thanks to Google – the famous Google antivirus – that our phone is infested with virus. It even says the phone’s model to be more credible. Let me learn you that, a website displaying your phone’s model, it’s super easy to do! There are some easy to use programs to do this. It doesn’t prove anything! My phone is full of virus! Shit! OK! First, calm down! – Then, show me this.
– But you know nothing, grandpa! I know very well! Better than you by the way. I take antivirus vaccines since 34 years ago against all the flus of all the winters, so, of course I know. See, it’s easy! Follow the steps to get rid of the virus. Step 1 : press this button to install the app… Hop, done. Step 2 : you can now enlarge your peni- *cut* Yeah, even if it seems very very dumb, it can seem realistic for people who don’t really know this. And sometimes, the spam even usurpates Google! And Google doesn’t like this very much… And they were very cool because when I tweeted about this, they immediately answered with a link to report them, this is very good. But why is my phone exactly infected at 28.1%? It doesn’t come from anywhere! In fact… Yes. In fact, this is a totally random number. A system that is infected at 28.1%, what is this, totally nonsense. You have one quarter point 1% which, which… which is infected by virus, well, dumb. It’s totally dumb. And they don’t talk very well French. Because they begin to talk about four virus, and in the following sentence they talk about one virus! And it’s confirmed in the following sentence! Note by the way the new “nocive” virus mention. Opposed to “white knight” virus which infect your cellphone to save it! Well, they really think we are stupid, huh! But there… Totally! But you know, I think, what the most determines their total and absolute lack of morality of these crooks, there, doing their ads, is that they denounce! *demonic and low voice* We have detected that your phone is damaged by four viruses coming from recent adult websites. *horror screams* Well, there, it’s playing with a very huh… Guilty guilt. But there, it talks about recent adult websites, there! Can I know what you were doing in your bed, on the evening with your phone? But nothing! Not true! I don’t go on adult websites! I, I’m too young to know X Hamster! – Huh? X what?
– Nothing. These spam’s authors have apparently a principle that the most naive and stupidest people who can have these things, there, are the consumers of big porno websites. I let you do some statistic about it. But let’s be curious! What happens if we click on one of these buttons? At least they fulfill ONE promise! That means that we indeed download an app. And hold on tight! Sometimes the app is a REAL antivirus! No, without kidding, that’s true. [Video] 360 Security is the most popular phone tool in the world.
[Cyrix] I wonder how! Thanks to it, your cellphone is faster, cleaner You hear that? You won’t poop anymore on the carpet, you disgusting! and safer. It speeds up your phone by eliminating the unecessary background apps Yeah, as my mails, motherfucker! freeing memory and saving some battery. It removes useless files, giving more stockage space for the things you really want to save. But can it remove itself? [Video] 360 Security…
[Cyrix] OK, very good, but who is behind this thing? The owner is the Chinese company Qihoo 360 – yeah, kikoo, yup – generating more than 1 billion of revenue. Really big. And they are the topic of controversies about – oh, surprise! – contestable commercial methods, several cheatings inter alia… Ah! See this logo? AVTest, the Independant IT-Security Institute, gives them the maximal score. But since then, they learnt that Qihoo was sending test versions of their apps, based on Bitdefender antivirus, nothing to do with this! With their real app’s engines everywhere in the world! Yeah, that hurts. It’s as having their own technical expert protecting your phone, 24h/24, 7 days/7. It’s as having a mechanic expert puncturing your car’s tires to sell the same ones on sale. [Video] And all of this for free! 360 Security
[Cyrix] Thank goodness we don’t have to pay for this! Install it now and optimize your phone life. Or else it will die! Welp, these programs pretend to not only clean up your phones, but also, optimize your battery, do so many things… All of this for free, of course! So cute. Well after, they will a few spam you with some ads, welp, huh… So, this is just a simple fraud, finally, a giant and worldwide scam concerning almost all the phones in every country, forcing us to install their shitty apps. Most funny of all! Most of people who are getting trapped, they hardly believe it! But concretely, I don’t have the virus messages, now! OK, I’ve, I’ve all other ad messages of the world, but the virus messages, this is over. Conclusion. Let’s throw them rotten tomatoes for these unacceptable methods! It’s really thinking that people are stupid! And impose a system by scaring everyone! All these apps are just garbage, not hesitating to pay some spam campaigns, literally, to have some clients. And you want to give them your phone’s security? *Hans Lallement’s voice* Give me your secrets! OK even if they have really good grades thanks to many websites, pretending to be independants by the way, to tell that these antivirus are very good, work very well, all that… Don’t care though. I, on principle, I’ll just say one thing, they can go fu- *cut* ! But what’s wrong with you, huh? – It’s…
– Take it! I give it to you! Don’t want it anymore! But lots… Oh, after all that you have done to me? What’s wrong with it? Not good anymore? Well, I installed all antivirus programs but I don’t have enough space anymore for Pokémon Go, so… Welp…